


The Lesser of Evils

by kesomon



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms
Genre: Gen, Memories, Regeneration, Reminiscing, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-16
Updated: 2007-02-16
Packaged: 2018-08-20 07:30:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8241349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kesomon/pseuds/kesomon
Summary: It wasn't the first time he'd gone mad from the change. Rose learns she's not the first, and that things could've been worse when the cloister bells started tolling.





	1. Thirst of Knowledge

**Author's Note:**

> Set post-The Christmas Invasion, and initially intended to be a one-shot, this was then expanded a few chapters with the intention to cover every companion the Doctor travelled with before Rose. Unfortunately, I ran out of steam for it, so it remains unfinished.
> 
> Originally posted to FFN 2/16/2007. Edited for spelling mistakes but otherwise posted in its original format.

There was something absent about the flat, something that made it less cheerful in the darkness of the late night, when everyone had gone to bed and the whole world was silent. The shadows came alive and the night whispered secrets and the ghosts of the past haunted the dreams of the living.

By all rights, Rose knew she should be tucked up in bed, warm and cosy under the pink fluff of her duvet, her brain lulled to sleep by sheer exhaustion and the fullness of Christmas Dinner settled in her stomach. She had been awake for days, ever since Tokyo. There had been no time to sleep, with the Game Station and the Daleks and ( _and then there was this singing_ )…and then the Sycorax had kept her up another couple of days. But her mind just wouldn't turn off. She found herself rising, restless, pulling on her dressing gown over her pyjamas and slipping out the front door of the flat.

The snow ( _ash_ ) crunched under her slippers as she climbed the stairs to the roof. She wasn't sure what compelled her to go, but she wasn't too surprised when she found the Doctor there. Awake, leaning against the wall where her old doctor had once done ( _and then the Slitheen spaceship flew right overhead_ ) in his new duster and gazing up at the stars visible through the still-falling powder that blanketed the Estate in white. Quietly she tucked her dressing gown tighter around her body, shivering slightly in the cool winter air as she approached him.

"Bit chilly, ain't it?" She asked. He blinked, then pulled in a deep lungful of air and glanced over at her, looking bemused. "Chilly," she repeated, coming closer. "Even for you. Wotcha?"

"Helps clear the mind," he replied, smiling wistfully. "Regeneration can scramble the thought processes a bit. That and I wanted to avoid another smack from Jackie – I was having compulsions of rewiring her television set."

"Wise of you, then." She smiled compulsorily and leaned against the stone, gazing up at the stars. "You looked like you were miles away."

"Three-point-five million light years, actually," he admitted quietly.

"Really? Where does that put you?" She glanced at him curiously, and was taken aback by the sudden stillness in his expression.

"Androzani Minor." he answered.

"Oh." She tilted her head, blinking curiously, but the look in his eyes told her it was wiser to not press. She sighed and leaned against the stone, shivering in the chilly air as she wrapped her arms around her chest.

"You were lucky," The Doctor remarked quietly, after a long silence. Rose turned to look at him curiously, and then smiled after a moment's consideration.

"I s'pose I am, travelling around with ya, seeing the universe…"

"I'm serious, Rose." He glanced at her, and her smile faded. "I wasn't in a right state of mind. Trying to crash the TARDIS was the least I could've done; I could've hurt you."

"You wouldn't have, though. I know you, the old you, you wouldn't have done."

"I did, once."

The remark made her blink. "Come again?"

"I tried to kill my travelling companion. I'd just regenerated for the fifth time. I'd been, well, to put it bluntly, poisoned, and I was a little unstable. The regeneration couldn't clear it entirely out."

Rose stared at him in alarm. "Were they –?"

"Oh yes, Peri was fine," he replied hurriedly. "It shook her up though. I tried to strangle her on the floor of the TARDIS. It took a long time for her to stop being afraid of me…to adjust…I don't suppose I helped matters much; my sixth incarnation was always a bit brusque and loud. She was just starting to feel comfortable again when –" He broke off abruptly and swallowed.

"Still…can't dwell on the past too much. If I went reminiscing about my entire former selves it'd take forever. 900-plus years, you can really accumulate mental clutter."

Rose frowned.

"How many others have you travelled with?" She asked, her tone slightly accusing. He elevated an eyebrow slightly, gazing at her in mild surprise.

"Somehow I knew you were going to say that. Actually, it was a tossup between that, and "how many times have you regenerated"."

In the pale lamplight off of the street it wasn't hard to tell that her cheeks had flushed red. He smiled sympathetically. "Rose, you're not the first, nor the last, companion I've had in my lives. I am centuries old, y'know. It's hard to go that long without making a few friends. Yes, some have been other women. Some older then you, some younger. But believe me, all of them, all of you hold a special spot in my hearts."

"Guess it was kinda silly of me to think otherwise," she mumbled, hugging herself tighter and looking embarrassed, and slightly put-out. He offered an arm, and, when she didn't resist, pulled her into a hug. She sighed and nuzzled into his chest. He was only slightly warmer then the night air, but it still felt comforting.

"Who else has travelled with you?" She asked, her voice muffled in his coat.

"Too many to name…" He smiled wistfully.

"Just a few then?"

The Doctor cast his gaze down at her and found her staring up at him. "You're sure you want to know?"

Quietly, Rose nodded. He smiled and loosened his arms from her, rising to his feet. "Alright, but let's get indoors, get something hot in you. You're likely to catch a cold standing out here in your jimjams."

As if on cue, Rose erupted in a violent sneeze, and sniffed, looking right embarrassed. He laughed and herded her towards the fire escape.

"Where to begin…well, I guess it all really started with Ian and Barbara. They were just a pair of teachers from Susan's school, but like any human they couldn't keep their curiosity to themselves…"

"Who's Susan?" she interrupted. The Doctor sighed and shook his head.

"I've got a feeling this tale will require coffee."


	2. Susan, Ian, and Barbara

"Alright, Rose Tyler. Prepare to be dazzled by my fantastic tea-making skills."

He set the mug of rich, hot, murky brown liquid in her hands and hopped onto the sofa and she stifled a chuckle.

"You still think you're so im-ih..ihatchoo!" She sneezed, nearly spilling her tea, and he grinned impishly.

"I did warn you."

"Yeah, yeah, it serves me right for going into the frozen ash without a coat." Rose sniffed and sipped her tea. It was, surprisingly, better then she'd expected from a man who didn't do domestic. Not hot enough to scald her tongue, but still warm enough to make her feel relaxed all over, and just the right amount of sugar. She clutched the mug between her frozen fingers and eyed him speculatively. He was staring at her as if expecting something. She sighed.

"Oh all right. It's a brilliant cup of tea." It brought a smug grin to his face. She tried not to smile herself. "So, now that we've got our tea, who's Susan?"

The grin faltered into a furtive embarrassment. "Do you really want to start from there?"

"You said it was the beginning."

"Yes, that I did…" he coughed, clearing his throat and sighing. "Susan was the first companion I ever traveled with. She was also the only family I had left; my granddaughter."

Without even looking at her, the Doctor could feel the fire flash in Rose's eyes. He shot her a warning glare. "If you're going to object to everything I say here, I will take my tea and go fix the drift stabilizers in the TARDIS. It'll take hours and hours, perhaps days, and you'll never hear a word of this."

Rose wisely kept silent. He continued. "Susan was young, eager to learn, which I suppose is why she came with me. We took the TARDIS all over the universe, but eventually she fell in love with Earth. So we settled for a little while, in the 60's, and she enrolled in a public school. It was fine, for a while. Then Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright got curious. They followed her back to the TARDIS, and I…uh…well, I was a bit crotchety and stubborn in my first regeneration, typical time lord arrogance, and I hijacked them."

Rose snorted a laugh into her mug and clapped a hand over her mouth, her eyes darting to the corridor for fear she'd woken her mum. When all remained silent, she smiled sheepishly. "Sorry. What happened to her, Susan?"

He smiled. "She grew up. Fell in love. The Daleks –"  
Rose let out a small gasp, and his eyes darkened in understanding.

"The Daleks are at the basis of many of these stories, Rose. If you don't want to hear –"

She shook her head quickly. "No, it's alright. I want to hear."

He nodded, and clasped his hands against his chin, leaning on his knees. "The Daleks invaded Earth in the future. We landed right in the middle of it. Susan met a young man named David, and fell in love. When the Daleks were defeated, Susan was torn between staying behind, and staying with an old codger like me. Mind, I was a good deal older-looking: white hair and silver cane and everything. She thought she needed to take care of me." He sighed. "I locked her out of the TARDIS, for her own good. Made the choice for her; it was time to have her own life."

Rose was quiet.

"Would you do that to me?" she asked softly. He glanced at her sharply, but his tone was soft.  
"Not to you. It was a long time ago. I don't do that anymore."

Rose gave a soft smile, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"And what happened to Ian and Barbara?"

A flicker of a smile crossed his face as he recalled. "Ian and Barbara were very resourceful, I'll tell you. In the end, they chose to hijack a Dalek Time Ship and leave myself, Steven, and Vicki behind. I believe they wound up in 1965, just a few years off from when they first wandered into my TARDIS."

"They hijacked a Dalek ship?" Rose laughed. "Brilliant."

"Yes," the Doctor said wistfully. "Yes, they were at that."


	3. Vicki, Steven, and a Panda named Hi-Fi

"Who were Steven and Vicki?" Rose asked, though her eyes were growing heavy. The warmth of the apartment and the tea in her belly were beginning to draw her insomnia from her thoughts, but she wasn't about to let the Doctor leave so soon from her questions. The Doctor had noticed this.

"Well, Vicki was a young girl, not much older then Susan I suppose. Myself, Ian and Barbara met her shortly after Susan left us. Her family was part of an exploration team and she was one of the last survivors. In the end, she was family; I did miss Susan so."

The Doctor's voice had trailed off, and his eyes had grown distant. After a moment he blinked and shook himself from the haze. "Sorry, where was I?"

Rose swallowed. "Uh, Steven," she suggested. "How'd you meet him then?"

The Doctor smiled thoughtfully. "The Daleks, again. It's odd; many of my early companions were thrust upon me by those tin pepper pots. I suppose I should thank them for that sometime. Anyhow, Steven Taylor - brave man, an astronaut actually, though he did have a habit of conferring to advice from a stuffed panda bear."

Rose giggled.

"I'm serious. A little panda bear named Hi-Fi. It was his mascot."

"I believe you. It just sounds so funny." She laughed quietly. The Doctor smirked. Perhaps it was a bit funny. He shook his head.

"Like Vicki he crashed, and I actually met him just before Ian and Barbara left. After they did, he joined Vicki and me – snuck aboard, actually. And he remained even after Vicki left; I guess he thought an old tottering Time Lord needed a bit of protection."

"What happened to Vicki?"

The Doctor smiled wryly. "Fell in love in the middle of the Trojan war. I bet we could look her up in the history books. The Lady Cressida, she named herself."

He stilled as the memories washed over him. "I remember she sent her handmaiden, Katarina, to help me with Steven. He'd been poisoned…" And his voice trailed away again. His eyes had gone dark and flat. Rose sensed the same looming unease that came with memories of the Time War, and frowned worriedly.

"But Steven didn't die, right? Though he was poisoned?"

"No…" the Time Lord murmured, lost in thought. "No, he left some time later. Made himself a mediator and leader between two tribes on a planet."

Something in his eyes was far too uncomfortable for her tastes. Quietly she scooted closer, and wrapped her arms around his chest, nuzzling into the pinstriped suit that smelled of ash and tea and time. She felt him shift beneath her, looking down at her in surprise. But he said nothing.

Slowly her eyes slid shut, and her breathing levelled out, as the late hour and the warm tea and the double-beat of his hearts lulled her to sleep. The Doctor sighed softly, and looked around the dark flat. The shadows seemed to whisper at him for the past, and he frowned. As much as he wanted, he couldn't escape to the TARDIS, and eventually he shut his eyes, trying to block out the memories he'd stirred.


End file.
